the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Alive.
So much puke
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
