May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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