True but thats because hes a fetus.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
