Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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