Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy sore nipples Batman
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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