Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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