He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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