There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
