i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
