Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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