piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
