Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
