why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
