Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
