Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
