best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
