kristin has been a bad kristin
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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