hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
