Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
