All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
