I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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