It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
third nipple confirmed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
