I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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