...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
