There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
