@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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