sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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