Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
