I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
