I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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