We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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