I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My vagina just recognized that song.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
