I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize