We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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