This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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