Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
