Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
