At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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