out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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