I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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