Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
