No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
