Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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