I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
