oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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