question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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