I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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