Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
