so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
