I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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