You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
