I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
