Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
