Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's blow job season.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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