he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize