hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize