Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
