That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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