I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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