Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
two words...techno handjob
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
