This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
