forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
