When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
