either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
