Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
