East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
