I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
