i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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