i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
