remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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