I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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