Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize